I wish my penis had an off switch
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
