There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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