How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
