awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
