I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize