would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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