I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize