I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
