Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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