I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
