know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
