Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
