butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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