i just made my gag reflex go away.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
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