Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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