and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
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