I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
