apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
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I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Watching her eat just hurts me
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
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They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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