I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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