I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
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