Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Randomize
