ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
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So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize