I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
