it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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