Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Randomize
