i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?