need another drink. this is the easiest way
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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