i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
