I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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