The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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