Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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