Tell her she can't have a vagina
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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