Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
