i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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