You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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