We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
