it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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