It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
