did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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