Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It's blow job season.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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