No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
