I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
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