my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
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my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
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I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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