just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
