Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
