i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
and she was petting her beer can
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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