fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
