I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
honey bunches of taint.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
