My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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