there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
