ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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