its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
