I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize