Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
