Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Randomize
