I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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