What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
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