If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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