If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Help me help you realize you are a moron
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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