he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
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