dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
So vagazzling was a success
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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