WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
