windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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