are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
