So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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