I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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