Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
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